self image during pregnancy

What a topic, right?

I am 23 weeks along and I am already having issues.

Which, in my mind, doesn't make much sense.

See, I carried twins. That's the only other pregnancy I have known. I assumed this one would be cake. Ha! So wrong.

Maybe I will feel that way in my 38th week of pregnancy when I am measuring as 38 wks pregnant instead of 50 wks pregnant...

Surprisingly I am in much more pain and discomfort with one baby. Rumor has it that this is because my abs aren't as strong (the twins kind of, well, destroyed them and they never fully recouped). And my other magical inside baby involved parts must be week as well. Oh the aching...at 23 weeks! Come on! Not to mention I have two three year olds I am chasing around. It all feeds into my symptoms.

Now to the topic at hand. I realize I will double in size before I hit 40 weeks. Yet I feel ridiculous already. Too soon to feel ridiculous!!

I mean the kind of ridiculous where I cannot in any way wrap my head around the fact that my husband is still attracted to me. How? Why? What? Love is surely blind.

Then I see pictures like this:

photo via Faas Studio

and I get it. I really do. But I am not comfortable enough in this pregnant body to want to remember every feature of it. And maybe I even look more like this beautiful pregnant lady than I realize.  

But I usually feel like this:

photo via Louise Bleakly

I see this monkey and I can relate so much better. Even down to the expression on her face. Yep. 

I look at that first picture (as well as other pregnant women) and I honestly think she looks beautiful. She exemplifies motherhood and all the beauty in that. 

Why can't I see myself in that light?

And why am I more uncomfortable with my self image being pregnant with one than with twins?

Now I need your honest opinion. Which sight is worse?

This obese orangutan pictured above?

Or this pregnant lady with twins complete with a bad haircut and a doughnut keeping her company on the coffee table?

You can laugh. I want you to. Go ahead.